he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
