well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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