I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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