evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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