you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
