Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
