like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
