i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
