My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
