i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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