A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
