Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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