Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
