Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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