Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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