He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize