My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the day after is always just damage control
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
