Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
