I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
