I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
