Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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