She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
