Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
