I'm so fucking centered right now
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
