I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize