Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
