trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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