Moan for me like Helen Keller
operation harelip BJ is a go
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
