You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
