Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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