Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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