In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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