i think i have herpe
just one?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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