Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
