We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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