He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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