Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
