I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
