i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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