so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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