U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
