hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
