dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
