i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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