I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
