it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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