take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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