The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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