he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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