It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
pray to the hookup gods
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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