I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
