I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
