Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
