Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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