so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
