Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
