I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
