I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
