Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
