i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
