The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
