Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
