peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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